


How Can I love When I'm Afraid to Fall

by wildeproductions



Category: Dead To Me (TV)
Genre: F/F, Smut, lots of fluff, picks up right after the end of season 2, they are both in love with each other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:22:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24557620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildeproductions/pseuds/wildeproductions
Summary: Picks up after the events of the season 2 finale. Judy takes care of Jen after the accident and they both realize that they have feelings for each other.
Relationships: Judy Hale & Jen Harding, Judy Hale/Jen Harding
Comments: 22
Kudos: 158





	1. Chapter 1

“Jen let me help you,” Judy said, grabbing Jen’s arm to support her.

“Judy, honey, I appreciate your help but I’m not fucking crippled,” Jen said, trying escape Judy’s hold as they made their way to the front door. Jen had finally been released from a 3 day hospital stay for a concussion, a sprained neck and a broken rib following the car accident and she was happy to come home. Hospitals were definitely a living hell for her. The last time she had been there was for her mastectomy. Judy had been the greatest though, staying with her almost the whole time, except at night when she would go home to feed and take care of the boys. 

“Well no offence, but you kinda are,” Judy said, taking the keys out of Jen’s struggling hands to unlock the door.

“That’s what I get for fucking being a nice member of this community and petitioning for a damn stop sign, fucking karm--” As the door opened, Henry ran to hug his mom, followed by Charlie. 

“Mom you’re home! I missed you” the youngest said, squeezing tightly his mom's waist. She kissed the top of his head and Charlie’s cheek. Both boys didn’t want to let go.

“Guys, don’t squeeze too hard, your mom is still a bit sore,” Judy warned as she saw Jen’s pain in her face despite her best attempt to hide it.

“Thank you for taking care of my mom Judy” Henry said, now turning around to hug her just as tight.

“You are very welcome. I’m glad she’s home with you guys now.”

“What a fucking asshole, he could have killed you guys,” Charlie said with anger. He came close to closing another parent, two actually, and he was terrified.

“He didn’t Charles. We’re not going anywhere I promise,” Jen reassured him. She took the 3 of them for one last family hug before announcing that she was going upstairs to take a shower. 

Judy made dinner for everyone while Jen was upstairs, and the boys --even Charlie-- helped in some ways. The accident seemed to have softened Charlie in a way that none of them had expected. He even volunteered to do the dishes afterwards.

When dinner was about to be ready, Jen came downstairs. Judy immediately realized that her hair was still dry and she was still wearing the same clothes.

“What happened, I thought you were gonna shower?” Judy asked as the boys were setting the table. 

“That was the plan, until I realized I wasn’t able to take my fucking shirt off,” Jen whispered, her face turned red in embarrassment.

“Oh.” Judy wanted to offer help but wondered if this would be crossing a line.

“Ya so I guess no showers for me, start breathing through your mouth Jude.”

“I could help you, I mean-- if you are ok with that,” Judy stammered. “You know I work at an assisted living facility so I’m familiar with this.”

“Oh my god Judy, are you comparing me to an old fart who lost all its independence,” Jen exclaimed, angrily. “And what do you know, you’re the art teacher!” 

Judy wanted to slap herself in the face as soon as the words came out. She couldn’t believe that she even said that. For some weird reasons Jen was making her nervous and she couldn’t talk properly. “No! That’s not what I meant! I mean, I love making people feel good it’s literally my job, let me help you!” I love making people feel good?! What the fuck Judy, she thought. “I mean I love helping people, and I will help you. Oh god let me fucking help you and let’s forget this conversation ever happened.” 

“Wow they should have really tested you for a concussion,” Jen said as she laughed hysterically. “Let's eat first I’m starving.”

They sat down and enjoyed a nice dinner with the boys, all of them happy to be together again and safe. Charlie followed up on his promise to wash the dishes and Henry helped him. Meanwhile, Jen and Judy headed to the upstairs bathroom.

Both of them just stood there awkwardly, not knowing what to do or say.

“So do you prefer a shower or a bath?” Judy finally broke the silence first. “I think a bath might be easier and more relaxing.”

“Sure let’s do a bath.”

“Okay mmm.” Judy searched for bubble bath and towels in the cabinet. “There, are those ok?” she asked, as she pulled out a lavender bubble bath and a towel. Jen nodded. “Also here’s some epsom salt, that will help you relax.” 

“Great.”

“Ok, so I’m going to take off your shirt now,” Judy announced. “Is that ok?”

Jen took a moment to answer. She was feeling self-conscious and vulnerable. She had to remind herself that it was just Judy. “Yes.”

“Turn around,” Judy demanded softly. She grabbed the hem of her shirt and pulled it gently over her head. Jen was not wearing anything under it and she had to fight the urge to run her hand over her back. Judy tried to find something to say to break the awkwardness. “You have a beautiful back. It’s very, um, smooth.”

“Ok. Thank you weirdo.”

“You’re welcome,” Judy replied, standing there behind the blonde woman.

“You can leave now, I’ll take care of the rest,” Jen said, covering her front with her arms as she turned to Judy.

“Yes ma’am, I’ll be in your room to change your bed with fresh sheets. 

Judy left the bathroom and Jen kinda wished she had asked her to stay. Getting into the bath was more difficult than she expected. Her ribs were still very sore. She managed to wash her body, and Judy was right, the epsom salt was really doing wonders.

There was one thing that she had not fully thought through-- getting out of the bath. She tried to brace herself on each side of the tub, but standing up was too painful. She was starting to freeze as the water had now gone down the drain, and she had left the towel all the way on the counter. She didn’t want to ask Judy for help, but she was starting to think there was no other choice.

“Judy?” 

“Yes? Are you ok?” Judy asked on the other side of the door.

Jen took a moment to answer. “No.”

“No?”

“I can’t get out of the tub…”

“I’m coming in.” Judy opened the door and immediately covered her eyes with her hands. “Oh! You’re naked. Where--where’s the towel.”

“I left it next to the sink,” Jen said with an air defeat. “Just get it and come help me please.”

Judy grabbed the towel and walked over to the tub, trying to maintain eye contact with Jen despite her eyes wanting to wander on the exposed body, which proved to be difficult since she needed to help her get up. As she went to put the towel over Jen, she couldn’t help but stare at the mastectomy scars for a moment. It was a lot worse than she had imagined, but Jen looked beautiful nonetheless. Heaven on a stick, she thought.

“Yep. This is it.”

Judy's eyes shot back up. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to stare. For what it’s worth I think you’re beautiful.” She wrapped the towel around Jen and helped her get out of the tub, then held her in her arms and started sobbing.  
“Judy what’s wrong?” Jen asked softly, trying to comfort Judy with her arms despite the pain.

“I’m sorry, I’m just glad that you are here and safe. I don’t know what I’d do without you. I never want to come this close to losing you again,” Judy admitted. 

“It’s ok love I’m here, I’m not going anywhere, I promise,” Jen said and let the wet towel fall at her feet. “Can you help me get dressed?” 

Judy tried to look away, but god was this woman making things difficult for her. She had always found the realtor attractive, but never allowed herself to go there because she knew it could ruin their friendship. Yet, there she was fighting the urge to look at her gorgeous body. She was feeling things towards Jen that she had never before and it wasn’t just sexual-- part of her wanted to wake up next to Jen for the rest of her life. Tell her how much she loved her. She had never had a meaningful friendship with a woman before the way she had with Jen, but surely this felt more than best friends.

“You can look at Judy, I think we’re past that,” Jen said with a shrug. “Anyways I’m too fucking tired to care right now. Let’s get me dressed so we can go to bed.” 

“Oh ok, sure.”

Judy helped her get in a pair of sweatpants and a large t-shirt. She was pretty sure those were Ted’s and wondered why Jen still hadn’t let go of them. Then they made their way to the bedroom.

“You’re all set, I changed the sheet for you and put a glass of water on your stand with the meds you need to take,” Judy explained. “Goodnight, Jen.” She was about to walk away when Jen stopped her.

“Judy?” 

“Yes?”

“Can you sleep with me tonight.I really don’t want to be alone.”

“Of course,” Judy said. A part of her wanted to go back to the guest house to process the thoughts that she had about Jen earlier, which would be extremely difficult with Jen in the same bed. But after everything that had happened, she also didn’t want to be alone. 

Judy walked up to the bed and got underneath the covers next to Jen.

“Goodnight Judy,” Jen said softly. “Thank you for everything you’ve done. You’ve been truly amazing.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the kind comments! I really appreciate it. =)

2 weeks after the accident Jen was still having issues doing most things around the house, but the pain had subsided. Judy had been a perfect angel, helping her with everything from grocery shopping, laundry, to literally changing her underwear. The awkwardness had diminished, but the tension hadn’t. Jen felt that Judy was looking at her differently, and there might have been times where Judy was even flirting with her. The strong pain meds were making her loopy at times, so maybe she was just making up something that wasn’t there. Judy was her best friend, clearly nothing more could happen. Right? 

They had been sleeping in the same bed ever since the accident. Judy was always waking up first to wake up and make everyone breakfast, she was helping the boys with homeworks, she was cleaning around the house. Jen felt more married to Judy than she ever did with Ted. She wasn’t sure what to make of that.

“Good morning beautiful!” Judy exclaimed as Jen approached the kitchen. She had woken up later than everybody that morning, but it was Saturday and she had nowhere to be.

Jen mumbled a ‘morning’ and headed straight to the coffee pot. 

“It’s 11am I was starting to get worried that the bed might have eaten you during your sleep,” Judy joked. She got out the eggs and milk from the fridge. “Scrambled or sunny side up?” 

“Sunny side up please. Cook the whites well please,” Jen said and sat at the breakfast isle with her coffee.

“Sunny side up for my sun coming up!” Judy said with enthusiasm that made Jen grunt. 

“Where are the boys?” Jen asked. 

“Henry is at a playdate with Shandy and Charlie is at the skatepark with his lady friend. I fed them both pancakes before they left,” Judy explained proudly and handed the plate to Jen.

“Thank you,” Jen said and started eating her eggs ,which were cooked to perfection.

Judy noticed that Jen was massaging the back of her neck with her hand. “Everything ok?” 

“My neck is still sore from the accident and I slept wrong I think,” Jen said. “Nothing a good glass of wine can’t fix after I’m done with this coffee.”

“Jen I already told you can’t have wine with the pills that you are taking,” Judy reminded her and Jen rolled her eyes. “I could maybe give you a massage?”

Jen felt her stomach swarm with butterflies at the thought of having the other woman’s hand on her. It seemed intimate and wrong but part of her craved it. “I don’t know Judy…” 

“C’mon, I think it could really help relieve some tension.” Judy said. “And Ben showed me all kinds of tricks that I used on Steve and it really helped him.”

“Ew. That’s a freaky threesome.” 

Judy rolled her eyes. “Don’t be gross. So what do you say?”

Jen thought for a moment. What could go wrong really? Plus she really needed it. “Sure, let’s do it.” 

Judy clapped her hands excitedly. “Great! Let me wrap things up here and I’ll meet you in bed.”

Jen's eyes widened in shock but Judy had already turned around to the sink and started cleaning up. She felt her throat go dry. “Erm, I’m sorry where?” 

“Your bed. We can’t do this here, we need to have you lie on a flat surface,” Judy said with a wink as if this was the most normal thing ever. 

_ This woman will be the death of me, _ Jen thought.

  
  


As Jen went up each stairs she became more and more nervous. She went straight to the bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror. She put messy hair in a bun, brushed her teeth, applied deodorant and a splash of perfume. It almost felt like she was getting ready for a date, but no. She was getting to be massaged by her best friend in the bed they share because it was a completely normal thing for best friends to do right? She changed out of Ted’s old clothes that she slept in and put on a nice silk pajamas then sat on the bed and waited for Judy.

“Hey sorry it took me a while, I went to get some oil I had in the guest house,” Judy said as she arrived in the bedroom. “Eh, did you change clothes?”

“Yeah I wanted to get into something more comfortable,” Jen lied. Obviously the sweatpants and oversized t-shirt were way more comfortable than this lace top.

“Mm too bad because now you have to take it off.”

“Excuse me?”

“Yeah this top looks tight and plus I don’t want to get oil all over it.”

“Erm..”

“C’mon, don’t get shy on me now I was literally helping you bathe until this week,” Judy laughed. “Plus you will be laying on your stomach so I won’t see anything.” Jen just stood there motionless. “ I’ll go get a towel, get yourself comfortable,” she said before disappearing into the bathroom.

Jen felt like her heart was racing a mile a minute, but she quickly took her top off and lied on her stomach before Judy came back.

“Comfortable?”

“Mhm.”

Judy straddled her and sat on her ass. “Alright show me where it hurts.”

Suddenly Jen couldn’t remember what hurt exactly; all she could focus on was Judy’s warm center pressed against her ass.

“Earth to Jen?”

“Huh? Oh my neck mostly and my shoulders,” Jen responded. 

Judy squirted some oil in her hand and started to massage her shoulder blades going up to the nape of her neck. Jen felt Judy’s center press deeper into her with each motion, and it felt like pure torture. 

“How are we doing so far?”

“Mm so good don’t stop.” Despite the torturous distraction happening down there, Judy’s fingers really felt like heaven on her tense muscles. She couldn’t remember the last time she even had a massage-- certainly it hadn’t been given by Ted.

Unexpectedly, Judy’s hands moved down to the spot in the middle of her lower back, very close to her ass, and she pressed her thumbs in the dimples there, eliciting a huge moan from Jen. “AH.”

Jen’s face turned beet red and she was glad that Judy couldn’t see her. “Sorry, I don’t fucking know what that was.”

“Sounds like this is a good spot for you,” Judy said as she continued to massage the area. Jen’s hips accidentally bucked upwards from pleasure and she could have sworn that Judy  _ grinded  _ against her ass this time. This was too much.

“Judy.”

“Mhm?”

Suddenly a voice coming from the hallway interrupted them. “Mom? Where do we keep the band-aids?” Charlie asked as he came in the room. He immediately covered his eyes. “Oh my god! What are you guys doing?” 

“Charlie get out!” Jen snapped as she tried to cover herself with the comforter while Judy got off the bed.

“What happened to your arm Charles?” Judy asked, concerned as she noticed the blood dripping down the boy’s arm.

“I fell off my skateboard. We’re you guys having sex?”

“Fuck no! Judy was just giving a massage,” Jen answered quickly. 

“Come with me downstairs, we’ll need to disinfect this, it looks bad,” Judy said as she took Charlie out of the room to give Jen some space to put some clothes on.

  
  


Judy gathered some supplies from the first aid kit and met Charlie in the living room.

“How did this happen, Charles?” Judy asked as she removed the debris in the wound with a twizzler. 

Charlie sighed. “I was trying to show my friend some skateboard tricks and I fell.” 

“Were you trying to impress her?” 

“No!” he snapped. “I don’t know… I just want her to like me. I feel like she’s giving me mixed signals and I don’t know what to do.”

Judy smiled. “You know bud, it’s gonna take more than skateboard tricks to win over a girl. You just need to show her that you care and be there for her when she needs it .”

“Like you are with my mom?”

Judy blushed. “That’s different Charles.”

“How? You guys are always together and shit. She looks more married to you than she did with my dad.”

Judy feels a wave of sadness as she realized that it must have been hard to be around parents that argue all the time and look like they hate each other. He never had the best example of what love is. And she knew that Ted had spent the last few years treating Jen like shit which made her so angry. Judy avoided the question and said, “Charlie, just do me a favor, just treat her well please. Treat her like she’s the most beautiful thing in the world, ok?” Charlie nodded and Judy finished wrapping up the wound. “There, you’re all set.”

“Thanks Judy,” he said sincerely before going to his room.

Jen arrived a few seconds later and sat on the couch next to Judy. “Treat her like she is the most beautiful thing in the world, huh?” Jen repeated, smiling. 

“You heard that?” Judy asked, wondering if she had also heard the part about them looking married. Jen put a hand on her thigh and she felt a wave of electricity going through her. 

“Thanks for being so good to him and Henry,” Jen said. “I’m glad that they have a good role model like you around.”

_ Role model? _ Judy thought. How could this be when she felt like the shittiest person in the world. She was the reason that these kids were without a father.

“I don’t know about that Jen,” Judy said sadly. 

Jen moved her arms from her thigh and held her hand. “Hey. I’m serious. Listen to me. You are an amazing person Judy.” Tears started to flow on the brunette’s face. “You are flawed, just like everyone else, but you rise through your mistakes with so much grace and make it a mission to make sure everyone around you feels good.” Jen wiped the tears on Judy’s cheek with her thumb. “And I really admire that. I wish I could be like that.” She pulled her into a tight embrace.

“Thanks Jen. I love you,” Judy said but she really wanted to say that she was completely  _ in love _ with her, but she didn’t want to ruin this moment because she didn’t know if Jen felt the same way. She was starting to realize that Charlie was right; it felt like they were married. She could picture herself having these arms around her for the rest of life and it felt right.

“Judy, I need to ask you something,” Jen said as she pulled away from the embrace. “Earlier, in the bed, did you--”

The front door burst open and an excited Henry ran to the living room. “Mom! Judy! You have to see this! I was at the beach with Shandy and we found this awesome seashell!” 

Jen sighed. “Sure bud come show us!” Jen said, trying to sound excited to please her son.

Judy exchanged a look with the blonde that she couldn’t quite read. She tried to look back at the situation earlier today and wondered if maybe she had gone too far. She cursed at herself for being an idiot and almost ruining everything.  _ Why can’t you just be quiet and do what you're told,  _ she repeated over and over in her head. 

  
  



	3. Chapter 3

“Good morning sunshine!” Jen announced as she opened the curtains, letting the sun into the room.

Judy groaned and mumbled the word ‘sleep’. A couple seconds later she woke up abruptly. “Wait what time is it? Why are you up before me? Did I oversleep? Are you ok?” 

“Yes everything is fine! Look, I made you breakfast,” Jen as she pointed at the tray at the foot of the bed. It had a mimosa in a champagne glass as well as a plate filled with a stack of pancakes with fresh fruits.

Judy furrowed her brows. “You made me breakfast… in bed? Am I dreaming?”

“No it’s all real. And the pancakes are vegan. I got the recipe from that plant-based cooking book you have.”

Judy placed her hand on the other woman’s forehead. “Do you have a fever?”

“Oh my fucking god Judy, I just did something nice for you, can you just shut up and eat before it gets cold?” 

“Right, sorry I’m just not used to that,” Judy cut a piece of the pancakes and ate a bite. “Mmm that’s actually really good.”

“Thanks. You’ve been so good to me the last few weeks, I thought I’d return the favor,” Jen explained. 

“You’re so sweet, thank you,” Judy said and leaned forward to press a kiss on Jen's cheek.

“So the boys are at Lorna’s today, and it's a beautiful day out. I was thinking we could have some fruity drinks by the pool this afternoon. What do you say?” 

“Fruity drinks? Wow you’re really going all out today aren’t you?”

“When we were in the car before the accident happened, we were talking about taking a trip. Now I know this is not the same but I thought we could use a day of relaxing by a pool, even if it’s just our pool.”

“I love this idea,” Judy said with enthusiasm. “Let’s do it!” Judy was happy to spend time with Jen. They had been around each other a lot lately, but it had been more out of necessity because of Jen’s condition rather than just for fun. 

  
  
  


After lunch, Jen changed into her bathing suit, made some pina coladas and headed outside. She got in the water right away, put the drinks on the side of the pool and waited for Judy. Shortly after, Judy arrived still wearing the same clothes that she slept in. 

“Eh, Jen?” Judy said as she approached the pool. “What happened to all my bathing suits?”

Jen remembered the night that she had taken Judy’s belongings and set them on fire. “Shit, I think I burnt them.”

“Oh…” 

“I’m really sorry. I would lend you one but I don’t think the top will fit you,” Jen apologized. Those had been tough times and she wasn’t proud of that. Thankfully they had come a long way since then. 

“I see,” Judy said and Jen couldn’t tell if she looked upset. 

Suddenly Judy grabbed the hem of her shirt and pulled it over her head, revealing her breasts, then she took her leggings off and jumped in the pool like a cannonball. 

Jen’s jaw dropped to the floor and she had to grab the edge of the pool so that she wouldn't tip backwards in the water. Judy swam up to Jen and grabbed the drink that was waiting for her, careless about the fact that her boobs were totally exposed as she went up to the surface.

“Like what you see?” Judy asked with a wink and took a sip of the drink. “Oh this drink is heaven.”

Was Judy  _ flirting? _ She literally had taken her shirt off like it’s no big deal and now was flirting confidently with her. Jen tried really hard not to stare but it was difficult because the other woman was gorgeous. She had pictured Judy naked many times and she was even more beautiful than she imagined. 

Judy quickly realized that it might have made the other woman uncomfortable as she was not saying a word. “Sorry, I can put a t-shirt on if it makes you uncomfortable, I just figured that we are kinda past that.”

She was right but this was different. The other times that Jen had been naked in front of Judy is because she was so badly hurt that she couldn’t bathe herself and there was no other choice. Judy could have chosen to go back inside and find something to wear but she had deliberately taken her shirt off in front of Jen. The blonde was slowly putting the pieces together. There was the massage, the constant flirting, and now this. 

“Ok clearly we’re not, I’m sorry I will go put something on,” Judy said and began to swim away but Jen grabbed her arm and stopped her. 

“I’m sorry. Stay, it doesn’t make me uncomfortable.” 

“Well tell this to your face.” Judy said, covering her front with her arms. Then she realized-- the mastectomy! Jen had lost her breasts and there she was parading hers all over. “Shit Jen, I didn’t think. You had a mastectomy and--”

“No,” Jen interrupted and moved Judy’s arms away from her chest, exposing her. “Don’t hide, you’re beautiful. I’m sorry. I just haven’t seen breasts in a long time. And it’s weird. But not a bad weird.” 

“Can I ask you a question?” Judy asked softly and Jen noded. “Do you still feel something? Does it hurt when you touch?” 

“No it doesn’t hurt anymore. And I don’t know, I think I still have sensation in some spots but I don’t really know, it’s not like we have explored this Ted and I. And I haven’t had sex in a really long time other than with my vibrator,” Jen explained. “I think the part that I miss the most is having nipples. I really took my nipples for fucking granted Judy.” 

Judy thought for a moment. “Do you trust me?” 

“With my fucking life Judy,” the blonde answered honestly. 

Judy shifted even closer to Jen and unclasped her bikini top, letting it float away in the water. “Close your eyes,” she whispered, her breath so close that the blonde thought she was going to kiss her. Instead, Judy wrapped her arms around her, and held her tightly against her chest. Jen could feel Judy’s nipples harden against her chest and she started crying. The other woman continued to hold her tight, caressing her back to comfort her. This felt incredibly intimate and sexy, but more than that it felt like she was whole again, and not only because for the first time since the mastectomy she was feeling something on her chest, but because Judy had managed to fix all of her broken pieces by showing her how incredible a person that she already was. All the years of verbal abuse with Ted had completely destroyed her self-confidence and worth, and then Judy came into her life and changed all that.

“I love you Judy,” Jen said, slightly pulling away to look into her eyes.

Judy smiled warmly. “I love you too, Jen.”

“No, I mean I love you,  _ love  _ you Judy,” Jen clarified, her heart now racing a mile a minute. There was no going back now, if Judy didn’t feel the same way she might have completely screwed up their relationship. Judy furrowed her brows in confusion. “What I mean is, I’m in love with you. And I’m also attracted to you and this is something new for me because I’ve never been with a woman before and this is all very confusing and I know that you’ve been with plenty of women and I just can’t keep it inside anymore Judy I’m going fucking crazy. And I’m sorry if I just crossed a line on our friendship and we may never speak of it again if you don’t feel the same way it’s--”

Judy kissed her hard to shut her up. “I’m sorry, you just had to stop talking.” 

“Oh ok... So you too huh?”

“Honestly Jen I didn’t know how to make it more obvious. I’m pretty sure I’ve been in love with you ever since we met and after the accident I realized that I wanted more, but I was so afraid to lose you as a best friend and I really didn’t think you felt the same way and I didn’t think you were into women at all,” Judy explained. 

“I didn’t think so either, but I know I’m really, really into you.” Jen bit her bottom lip as she leaned closer to Judy. “I really want to kiss you again.” 

Judy closed the distance between them and kissed her again, this time slower. Jen couldn’t believe how soft Judy’s lips felt moving against her, how right this felt. She had spent so much time picturing this moment, and now to have it finally be real, to feel Judy’s hands on her waist pulling her closer, to hear Judy’s moan against her lips when she deepened the kiss with her tongue-- it was everything. They couldn’t get enough of each other, their lips licking and biting until they were both totally breathless and weak in the knees. 

Judy was the first to pull back, slightly overwhelmed but in the best possible way. “Wow,” she said, trying to catch her breath. “You’re a really good kisser.” 

“Mmm so are you babe,” Jen replied and gave her a quick kiss on the lips. 

_ Babe _ , Judy thought.  _ I can really get used to that. _

“So I don’t know about you but I'm pruning. How about we move this to the outdoor living room?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your kind comments, they really make my day! I hope you enjoyed this new chapter.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of you were surprised at how quick into the story Jen and Judy confessed their feelings, but as I was writing it felt very organic to have it happened when it did, and also life is short, tell the people you love that you love them <3\. That being said, the ride is far from over!

When the sun started to set, they decided it was time for them to go inside and make dinner. Judy decided she wanted to make handmade pasta to serve with a nice pesto sauce, and to her surprise Jen volunteered to help. There was something really nice about making something with her hands and having Judy teach her. And thank god for Judy being so sweet and patient with the culinary disaster that was Jen. Maybe the pasta didn’t turn out all perfect, but they had a great laugh and exchanged a few flour-tasting kisses along the way. 

Judy thought it was so unusual for Jen to partake in such activity, because let’s face it she was more the kind of person that would shove a handful of dry pasta in boiling water and get over with it. She was starting to see a change in Jen since the accident; she noticed that she was taking more time to enjoy life, which was something that made her happy because Jen really deserved that.

They finally sat down at the table to enjoy their home cooked meal, and they were pleasantly surprised with how it turned out. Jen was proud of herself for having helped make this, and she was starting to understand why Judy loved being in the kitchen so much.

“That was so fucking good,” Jen said as she popped opened a second bottle of red wine. “We should do this more often.”

“You were literally in the kitchen twice today, I’m impressed,” Judy said with a laugh.

“Well don’t get too used to it, I was just in a good mood today.”

Judy grinned “Oh yeah, what made you in a good mood?” 

“You,” the blonde replied simply as she reached for Judy’s hand. 

“Are we gonna talk about what happened?” Judy asked more seriously. They had both confessed their feelings and it was great, but there was a great deal of implication that came with that.

“I thought we did?”

“I mean like, where do we go from there? The boys are coming back tomorrow, are we going to tell them? What would even tell them? That we’re dating? That we’re a couple?”

“Judy you are asking way too many fucking questions considering the amount of wine I had, can we just enjoy tonight and figure this out later?” Jen pouted and it was actually kinda cute.

“Sure,” Judy said, unable to resist that face. 

  
  
  


As wine continued to pour during the evening Jen became even more bold with Judy. By 9pm they were making out on the couch like horny teenagers, Jen straddling Judy’s hips and grinding against her. She couldn’t remember the last time that she’d be this turned on. She remembered about the nights that Judy had shared with her her experience about being with women and Jen was starting to get it now. 

Jen started to unbutton Judy’s pants, but Judy grabbed her arm and stopped her. 

“Wait, I’m enjoying making out with you but I think we should leave this at that for tonight”

“Oh ok,” Jen said, trying to hide her disappointment, but Judy could tell she was visibly hurt. “I understand.”

“Sorry, I just don’t think it’s a good idea for us to have sex tonight,” Judy explained. “A lot has happened today and I think we need to process this first and not rush into things.” 

Jen wondered if Judy was having second thoughts. Maybe Judy realized that being with Jen was not what she expected and she was not attracted to her after all? Maybe the fact that she had been straight for all her life repulsed her and Judy was comparing her to lesbian goddess Michelle who was way more experienced? Jen was left soaked between her legs with no relief in sight, but more than that her feelings were hurt. It was perfectly fine for Judy not wanting to have sex tonight and she wanted to respect that, but it felt like something was wrong ever since they had dinner and Judy had brought up the talk about whether they were a couple or not. Jen wanted to leave, too embarrassed to even look at Judy, but the other woman was still straddling her and she felt trapped. 

“Jen?” Judy noticed that Jen was avoiding her gaze. She sat on the couch next to her. “Are you ok?” 

“I’m fine, I’m going to take a cold shower and go to bed.” 

  
  
  
  


When Jen got out of the shower, which had not helped at all with the throbbing feeling between her legs, she saw that Judy was already fast asleep in their bed. She got in bed next to the brunette who unconsciously shifted in her sleep to wrap her limbs around Jen, making it impossible for her to move. 

_ Great, ‘cause that’s fucking helping,  _ Jen thought, squeezing her thighs in an attempt to get some relief, but she ended up making it worse. 

She was pretty certain that she had seen every minute of every hour up go by on her alarm clock as during the night. The throbbing between her legs and ceased at some point, but the turmoil in her head didn’t. She replayed the whole day in her head, trying to figure out what happened.

She woke up at 10am and Judy was gone, which was not unusual for her as she was an early bird. She figured that she was probably making food or doing some cleaning. Jen went downstairs and was surprised to see she was alone in the house. She noticed a light coming from the guest house so she decided to bring her a cup of coffee and have a talk with her about what happened last night.

When Jen walked into the guest house she was expecting to see Judy painting or maybe even meditating in there, but instead, to her utter surprise, found Judy on the bed fully naked, a dildo between her legs, moaning loudly.

“Seriously Judy!?” 

Judy was totally startled by the sound of the other woman’s voice. She dropped the dildo which was soaked with her arousal and it rolled over on the floor almost to Jen’s feet. Judy grabbed the comforter and covered herself and her head with it. “Whoops,” she said from underneath the cover. She felt only a little embarrassed-- if this had happened before they confessed their feelings to one another than that would have been really awkward.

“Whoops? That’s all you have to say for yourself?!” 

Judy removed the blanket from her head. “Sorry Jen, I woke up super horny and--”

“And you think I wasn’t all night when you where sleeping with your fucking thigh pressing between my legs?” 

“Are you upset because we didn’t have sex?” 

Jen sighed and sat next to Judy on the bed. “I’m not upset… Of course it’s ok if you didn’t want to do it last night and I would never want you to feel like you can’t say no to me or feel unsafe. I guess I was just feeling insecure that’s all.”

“Insecure? About what?” 

“I don’t know… everything? I remember you mentioned how good Michelle was in bed and I have no experience with women. I was really enjoying making out with you and I thought maybe you weren’t into it.” Jen shrugged. “I thought maybe you changed your mind and wasn’t into me…”

Judy pressed her palm against Jen’s cheek. “Baby of course I’m in to you, I was just fucking scared.”

“Of what?” 

“Whenever I get too close to someone they leave me or go to prison or end up fucking dead,” Judy said as she started crying. “You're the most important person in my life Jen and I’m so scared to lose you.”

Jen wrapped her arms around Judy and held her close. “Oh Judy… You’re not going to lose me. I’m not going anywhere.” Jen continued to caress her as she sobbed into her arms. “I love you, with all my fucking heart, and if you want to wait, I’ll wait. Or if you never want to do it that’s fine too, I’ll just invest in a better vibrator that’s all.” 

Judy laughed through her tears. “That’s sweet and I love you too, but Jen, I literally had 3 sex dreams about you last night, I don’t think I’ll last very long.”

“Oh yeah? I want to know more about that,” Jen said and started kissing Judy’s neck.

“Hmm. We’ll in the first one, we were in the pool and--”

“JENNIFER?” a voice called from outside the guest house.

There was only one person in this whole fucking world that called her that.

Lorna. 

“SHIT, SHIT FUCK!” Jen said as she stood up abruptly. “It’s Lorna she’s fucking early! She’s never early, what the fuck. Oh my god Judy you’re naked, you need to hide, quick!” 

Judy ran into the bathroom with the comforter wrapped around her body and Jen realized the sex toy was still in the middle of the room. There was no time to hide it, so she grabbed it and shoved it in the pocket of her sweatpants. Lorna entered the room without even knocking. God she fucking hated her. 

“There you are!” Lorna said as she walked in. She looked around the room as if she was examining it and frowned. Jen guessed that Judy’s hippie bohemian decor was not really her style. 

“What do you want Lorna?” Jen asked, awkwardly placing her hand over her pocket to cover the bulge. 

“I just dropped the boys off and there was no one in the house. Why are you in here? Where’s your little friend?”

“She’s at work,” Jen lied. “And I was just looking for some hand cream. I found some.” 

Lorna raised an eyebrow. “Is that the big thing I see in your pocket?” 

“Yep, this is it thank god Judy had some, my hands are really dry,” Jen replied, wishing this conversation could end already so that she could get rid of the phallic object in her pocket which she was now acutely aware of its wetness as it seeped through the fabric of her pants. 

“Mom there you are!” Henry said, running to his mom to hug her. “What’s that in your pocket?”

“HAND CREAM,” Jen said a lot louder than she intended to. “Alrighty boop why don’t you walk grandma to the door and say goodbye ok, I’ll be there in a sec?”

Henry took his grandmother outside and Judy came out a few seconds later with an apologetic smile on her face.

“I hate you,” Jen said, pulling the silicone dildo out of her pocket and she started to playfully hit Judy with it.

“Ew gross, it has hair and dust on it now because it rolled all over,” Judy observed. She kissed Judy on the lips and grabbed the toy from her hands “I’m gonna go clean it now.”

“You’re lucky you're cute and that I love you. I hope you know that.” 

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really enjoy reading all your kind comments and thoughts on the story so far! It makes my day :'). I hope this new chapter made you laugh a little.

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a while since I've written anything! I love this show so much. Feel to come talk to me about it or anything my tumblr is fortitudetv.tumblr.com


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